A Froot Loops Odyssey

Here's a confession: I love Froot Loops (FL). Been in love with them even before I could babble my first words. Try breaking a bond like that. Our relationship was fruitful for years, they made me happy and never let me down. No wonder why nature wisely decided to grow them. Kids need colors and fun in this sadness-loving world.

One day I turned around and noticed everyone was treating me differently. Both "Mr." and "Yes, sir" became normal when addressing me. It took me a while to realize the awkward truth: I was officially a grown-up. Shit.

Now, what are grown-ups supposed to have for breakfast? Boring eggs, depressing corn cereal, discouraging coffee, unhappy doughnuts, klling-me-softly leftovers. Whatever remarks your social status and life condition, but not Froot Loops for christ's sake! That, that's for kiddos.

And so, some long years passed by and my colorful memories faded away with them. Living la vida loca became just - from time to time - the weekend motto. And my breakfasts reigned over all my meals as a way to imply - with the utmost importance - how mature I was.

But they say old love affairs never really die.

And there it was, that sexy, red box with the smiling, stupid, psychedelic toucan. He was staring at me. I could feel it. I headed his way. Stop. Corn Pops. I also like Corn Pops. Gotta call her. She's got to have a brilliant idea.

"Corn Pops or Froot Loops?"

"I like the first ones better"

Pfff...beginner. Bye.

So here we are, me and my Froot Loops in my shopping cart. Not a small, discrete box, but the one that makes these little children standing in line in front of me beg mommy for some. Losers.

We make calls at will without giving them a second thought all the time. Why would I bother getting some other cereal box when I know what I want for the very first time in months? Got home, poured the milk and grabbed a cheap spoon. Then it became clear: I like Froot Loops because they taste they way life tasted long time ago. But now I know life is different, and the same applies to my FL: they're there, but they're not the same.

Four colors. Four basic building blocks of life. You change the way the are to be combined and you have a new being. Wait. Mail. Snail mail.

You're gonna love this. It's an announcement of my nomination for the 27th Edition of "Who's Who in the World"!!! Isn't it great? I haven't been to war, discovered anything really hot, published anything worth sending to outer space, but here I am, an FL-praiser nominated for a new edition of a book that only nominees consult...and buy.

The FL box has some extras worth my three bucks: a sweet story on how eating this kind of crap will make me a super human being. Basically that's what happens to almost every gymnastics superstar who faithfully swallows the zillions of vitamins and proteins contained in each FL box. It also has a hot line ready to patiently explain all those statistics and graphs that claim to be as scientifically-proven as the existence of Nessie. See? This thing is not only my true love, but also my best friend. For three bucks each time I need compassion and company, having Froot Loops in the morning is a no-brainer.